“There is a hairline difference between ‘Mean’ and ‘Judgmental’ people, both of them have a tendency to judge you based upon their ‘Intentions’ and ‘Conditions’ respectively”.
~Rashmi Mishra (#रshmi)
By the way people who don’t know us also tend to judge us as per their ‘Convenience’.
But why do they do so? Or let’s put ourselves in people’s shoes and contemplate, why do we judge them? Or let’s say why do we even judge, be it us or others?
I pondered and found out some really thought-provoking reasons behind that.
- Free time-
The first and foremost reason (that I think of) behind anyone’s purpose of judging someone else, is plenty of free time on their hand. If you find time to talk about others, be it negative or positive, you must first ask yourself that how you got time to think about what others do in their lives.
If you find an answer then you’d definitely find a way out of it, and if you think that you don’t need to worry about it at all then you seriously need to start thinking about the food that you must provide to your mind, in order to feel the need of
• How to utilize your free time?
No, don’t go in a summer camp to learn stitching, unless you’re devoted to it… 😛
You may start reading some real good stuff.
Good stuff doesn’t only mean a book with a title that sounds enchanting, but also the work that speaks your heart out (that book might also serve the purpose). It’ll help you understand yourselves better and give your mind a better direction to act in.
Reading makes your mind productive and enables it to address different things in a better way.
If you enjoy reading, I’m sure you’d start ceasing to judge and a cycle of better learning would resume. So, happy learning. 🙂
- Conditioning (wired this way)-
It is not always that we judge only because we have got nothing to do in our lives. Hey! We’re all very busy with our lives, but we anyway find time to gossip by hook or by crook. Believe it or not, but in our daily lives we meet certain people only because they be our gossip-buddies. Once we’re gossiped about, by them, we might probably stop being in talking-terms with them.
I mean gossip, who doesn’t love gossiping? We gossip, because we find pleasure in gossiping about others.
This is how we’re conditioned. We’ve been seeing people around us doing this, meeting people having such intentions, and gradually started to enjoy tattling while we’re supposed to interact to exchange talks that help us in evolving as better personalities, we somehow manage to give this a back-seat.
There are two sure shot reasons for this action of ours-
(a) Insecurity, and
• How to think better?
You may change your taste a bit and meet the kind of people you never met (because you already judged them for not being your type) or you ever wanted to meet (but you judged them for not being your type either).
Start doing new things that might give you pleasure, go to places and surround yourselves by people where you can feel blessed and enjoy that bliss of the moment.
When you meet new people talk to them about ideas and not about other people’s actions, become friends with them rather than becoming a representative of a gossip-box.
Such a thing would make you realize the value of your own self and you might judge people lesser than earlier, because then you’d start understanding them. 🙂
I understand, gossip gives a kick, you may gossip but please try to be harmless and less judgmental. 🙂
People witnessing a feeling of insecurity judge you for being better or worse than them (or if you’re insecure of yourself/ves, you might get trapped into the same cycle of comparison). In both cases (better or worse), they want to perform better than you do in your lives. 😉
So, they basically are the attention seekers who want your attention as well as your sympathy at the same time.
If you fail to attend them or sympathize, they would judge you for being a self-centered person, thereby you’re judged and pinched for who they are.
It is basically a series that starts from one insecure person and ends up into judgement by such numerous others.
• How to overcome the guilt that you might go through (for not being fair with them)?
Being ignorant to such people would help. You aren’t at fault if they’re wired or they’ve made themselves this way.
Possessing negativity would attract further negativity and its consequences, better is to be more focused on shaping your life in a better way and being mentally healthy.
If possible limit their access to you, otherwise you’d start judging those people for being who they’re. They’re not gonna change, you have to make efforts in making yourselves feel good anyway!
When I was a teenager I used to think why would people fight over immaterial things and being in my early teenage, having no answer I used to cry as well. Strange for a teenager to have such feelings, but I developed this sense of bothering about such things at a very early age.
When you’re jealous of someone, you’re never happy with anything auspicious happening in their life. Well, if you also feel the same for someone then I’m sorry to say but even if you don’t think so, you’re jealous of them.
This is the only sign enough of being jealous that one doesn’t feel happy for the same reason that others feel for.
• How to overcome jealousy?
Positivity doesn’t only mean thinking good about others or forcing your mind into thinking good (the definition of good is also different for everyone), it’s also about thinking the most positive side of the worst.
If there is something that you don’t like for someone to have, think of something that you have and they don’t. If your life can’t be swapped with theirs, so can’t be theirs with yours.
And if you’re jealous by nature you’d try to portray another person in their worst, before others.
If you have this habit of speaking your jealousy out then remember those who seem to be your well-wishers are not really so, as you have been speaking to people with same nature as yours.
If they can take the worst of a third party person then they can also throw the worst of yours in front of another third party person.
People who think they are the best, are the most vain people. Their narcissism would make them judge others for not being perfect! How is that possible? How can someone be so perfect? The answer is, no-one is.
But narcissists would judge you for your looks, your complexion, your way of sitting, eating, dressing, talking, walking and what not?
To such people I call the most insecure, orthodox (you may not, after all experiences vary), and people with a lot of free time on their hand. I can clearly feel their narrow minds when they judge a person, and talk smack abut others.
So, if you’re a narcissist then educate yourself with a better study of behavior.
If you judge people next time for not doing things like you want them to be done, better is that you get up, move forward, take time out of self-admiration and do things by yourself.
• How to maintain a healthy-distance from such people?
∗If you think twice before talking to a particular person because you feel less confident or afraid of being joked about, by them, please don’t talk to such people for the sake of your own self-respect.
You already know that you aren’t perfect and you don’t need to worry about that, as you need to feel confident in your own skin and for who you are. Full-stop!
∗And if you’re a narcissist, you must first learn that nobody on the entire planet is perfect including you, to learn this you must first start with yourself.
Look into the mirror, think of your flaws and talk about them with yourself. If you can figure out any by yourself, that’d be amazing and if you can’t, then think of all the things that you often joke about others.
And more than that if you make fun of someone for their looks, complexion, height and health etc., you must go to school again to learn that looks and other related features are genetic.
Ones who want to remain stuck to their own beliefs and can’t accept the change seem to be the most judgmental people. They’re a little different from others, they would judge you based upon your past!
Even if they don’t know you in present, they’d be judging you for they had met you sometime in their life/ves.
Such people would never accept you for your present, and if you’re doing something better than earlier in your life then probably they’d also say something like ‘I never thought of this person to be doing such’.
Their vocal tone sounds judgmental, they don’t admire you but they suspect you for changing.
And on top of that they may be the silent judges as well. I mean to say, they may think of how you did or did not do this or that. Basically a type of jealous judgmental people.
• How to deal with such people?
That may sound weird but you don’t need to deal with such people. This type of people are the ones who never thought of doing anything better in their lives neither did they do apparently (in my case).
How can someone’s opinion even matter to you who themselves hadn’t even walked your path? Such people are mostly harmless, in fact their verdicts motivate you toward your goal even more.
These people become harmful when they try their hands on spreading rumors about you. Don’t worry! Give them a lesson here, take a legal action against them for tarnishing your name.
And most importantly, you are not what they think of you. You are what you do and how you think.
Their opinion of you is, who they are.
If you’re one of such kind (Stuck-in-the-mud) then please get up and learn to do and then do take actions in your lives for your betterment, whereby helping yourselves refrain from thinking what you think of others. Your opinions do not matter.
“I was that sea life who was misled, trapped, picked and thrown on a piece of land to crawl and then judged for what I was not, when I died in the effort of surviving”. ~Rashmi Mishra (#रshmi)
There may be other reasons associated that vary from person to person and can be situational too. I wrote about as many I have faced, so far and how I overcame such people. I didn’t say I have never been judgmental to anyone or in any situation, but I know how it feels to be the center-point of people’s insulting words. Therefore, I try not to be rude to others as far as I can.
PS: I am not preaching anything, my motive is to bring awareness about its consequences and if you suffer the consequences then how you may overcome.
I also didn’t say that it’s possible to stop judging others entirely, but I wanted to convey a message.
Please be gentle to people and don’t hurt others to the large extent and on purpose.
Thank you for being patient and reading this post till end. 🙂
Please share how you think about this.
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2 Replies to “Why do we judge and how we can be less judgmental?”
Very well written Language flow is smooth and natural.
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Thank you so much Uncle. I’m humbled that you gave your time to this post, and your comment means a lot to me. 🙂