Mysterious learning…

Today morning, something unusual happened to me! I woke up with this random thought. I’d picture myself dying in a particular state, in my mind!

I envisioned that the final day was standing eye-to-eye, in front of me and I was in a state of sheer happiness where my mind was empty (having nothing to recollect) and everything would seem full of joy.
The same state of mind in which I want to be, when that time is near. A state where I’m left with no regrets and no satisfaction. No fulfillment, nothing remains to be fulfilled.

That state (emptiness or having nothing to recall) isn’t something one has to create, it automatically occurs when you’re smiling.

“The state of indifference is the state of smile”.

A mysterious experience happened when I was in deep sleep last night and I think that thought in the morning was an effect of this experience, as there’s always a cause to an effect.

I dreamed that I was diagnosed with lung cancer (despite the fact that I don’t smoke…haha) and doctors were doing all that was in their control, to heal my body for this life-threatening ailment.

So! This is no experience!

I was talking about what I’m going to write next.

After I woke up in the morning, I realized the dream last night didn’t affect me at all.
I didn’t become restless, it wasn’t like all other scary dreams that would make me sweat and get me leave my bed, half asleep.
It was such a great experience when I realized, I smiled (it just happened and I figured out that I smiled) and understood that I learned the lesson of AWARENESS.

I was aware of the fact that I was unaffected of an imaginary state of mind that doesn’t exist, at present.
I learned about the absolute me, I learned the absence of presence and vice-versa.

In order to elaborate this…

Photo Courtesy: Photo library from WordPress.

To be alive is the greatest gift vouchsafed to us as humans and that’s the reason enough for me, to find a purpose of living than roving aimlessly for a destination. Basically there’s no final destination, keep digging in the hands of destiny.
Destiny follows the determination, it is to set goals over goals and destination is the aim to achieve them. So for me, my learning of life till date is that our desires to unfold the layers of our own souls never end until we give-up.

“Procrastinating your own happiness is giving-up, in life”.

Happiness is something which makes one feel good by doing good. For me that lies in being productive and constantly finding something great for feeding my mind to indulge it into further learning and my heart into doing good.

Making life give-in, is the best way how one can win and that happens only when one is actively working toward making their soul feel good.
“Don’t play this game of life like a gamble of bet, play it at your own terms”.

I am listening to my heart and following its footsteps. There’s something which doesn’t let me stop, it wants me to move ahead to keep moving, and finding a purpose that may be anything resulting in a fecund action for the social good. I hope so!

“The most beautiful thing about life is a contemplative mind, a reflective conscience is indispensable to have a beautiful heart”.





PS: This post doesn’t talk about any mystery of existence or death. It is based upon my experience and this explains how I learned about ‘Awareness’ of self. 🙂


The Seed of Spirituality…

Well, Judgement is not his cup of tea, if he didn’t judge anyone in his entire life. Oh! You believe he is beyond life… Okay! Now let me come to the point.

Well, ‘Belief’ itself is one more reason for not believing him.

Can you just follow a race of horses (all of same color) who are running at a same speed, none of them shall be a winner or a loser at the same point of time, all of them reach the finishing line at the same time (nobody is a follower, basically)?

Exactly! No, Right?

But I was the same horse running the same race for no different conclusion. I was a ‘Firm GOD believer’. I might have never believed in him but a thing called ‘Fear’ always stuck behind, pushing me to do the same worship thing, for what reason, I didn’t know !!

Let me first explain this ‘Fear’…
I have grown up in a culture where everyone’s day starts with worship and also ends at the Same, there grew this thing called fear which stated ‘If you didn’t do this or did that, GOD would commit something bad to you’.. And I used to be a lily- livered who believed, there’ll be some mishap if I don’t behave in a specified way.

I am not saying that doing what makes them happy is not good, I am talking about beliefs’.

Now let me come to my awful realization, where I dared to think is GOD really so mean? If so, then there is no God. If he would also behave the way human species is behaving with each other then how come is he GOD?

Those were my rebellious counter thoughts to these so called cultural beliefs..

I didn’t stop there.

I knew one more concept of GOD which was again a ‘Hear say’ that If he existed, we could see him.
But wait! There is a twist, they say, we aren’t able to see him because we don’t want to… Fair enough! They are talking about the observers’ effect. 😀

And again a hear say, he exists in our bodies but we aren’t desirous enough to see him because we don’t desire what we don’t lack… Again! I was like…. really!!?? And I was taking lots and lots more coming in the way..
At last, I became a bag of confusion. I mean, obviously! Such vast and different beliefs and their altogether different followings.

One fine day I mustered some courage to vanish all the fear which was a by product of those beliefs, the day when the seed of spirituality really sprouted in me, earlier I used to believe I was spiritual because I worshiped god… A little weird, I know!

Now I am neutral to God’s existence, at this point. In this process as much I could experience was he exists and he doesn’t at the same time but for the people who believe in him, let me tell you he isn’t so mean to harm you if you omit worship(s) and to those who don’t believe, he has no structure but you, me and all of us are his parts because we ourselves are the ‘Universe’ in capacity of our bodies. So yes, we are the lives and lives are the living Almighty. Life has a duration, similarly the powers in our body!

God is our action to change, change from beliefs to experience. God is knowing that if you, yourselves are the ‘Universe’ then you can’t be mean to yourself.
God has no different body to appear in front of you to discuss your problems or curse you for mishaps, whatsoever the reason may be.

If you say that he exists in the good and not bad, I would say it is also a belief because as per ‘Mahabharata’ also, there was a war against the wrong, but ‘WAR’ happened. So I think it depends what is good for one, may not be the same for another.

So, on the judgement day if I will have to answer I would say, luckily without fear that I didn’t believe him because he was made of beliefs.
And that space in the final time is the reality, reality is that Space where there is no choice or confusion, but acceptance.
And belief is a choice not acceptance.

PS: None has to answer the authenticity of being themselves!


My Click!

I learned to laugh at myself at 3 a.m….

Where am I standing in life?
Why life took me where I’m today?
Am I really responsible for whatever happened or a victim of time just like most of them?
Okay! tell me, why only me? Why?

Okay! I settle, it’s not only me. Many like me, may be.. ah! They must be the stronger souls or might be the ones who do not know how to live but pretend to be stronger to avoid the hopelessness?

Wait! Then which category do you fall in? You think, you are some special character of a fantasy tale? Or you were supposed to be a person who doesn’t need to be strong enough because you think that life is a cake walk? Is it?
I said, no! I don’t think so, but then I believe a fantasy can be created in a real life too.
Yeah! Why not? You know what? When you felt that life is a fantasy, you had already created a layer of tale..

Why can’t I forget whatever existed?
When it doesn’t exist anymore then why in my thoughts?

Where do I go?

why that blurry vision?

Which road should I take?

Which trail should I walk?

I have no clear pathway.
I’m shattered.

Oh! That’s great! Now go and tell’em you’re a storyteller, who engraves fantasies and have no real imagination. Now clap slowly, for yourself (!)

‘And I clapped’…

Amidst these thoughts I took a pause, waited for a micro moment and said to myself, rather than going to my bed what was I doing inside the bathroom in front of that mirror at 3:00 am? Why I was not asleep?

And I laughed like crazy…

I realized I had learned the most important chapter ‘Learn to laugh at yourself’. This took me some more time to understand that ‘Life chooses them to happen to, who can be funny at times, in fact many times, rather all the times’. 🙂

I understood the whole point, which I taught myself that you aren’t a fantasy character of an imaginary tale, you’re a joker for life who has to be strong and sturdy; doesn’t matter how hard the life kicks.

There is a secret that when you are in front of mirror and talking to yourself, you really talk to different versions of yours, just like a character in a movie talks to itself… haha! Well, again a fantasy talk… forget it! Let me take you to the reality that you don’t see them standing physically. 😀 😀
While in front of mirror I said, ‘You fool, what were you thinking that this stupid mirror has answers to all your questions’? ‘You retarded mind, go and sleep’.
This mirror doesn’t know everything. 😀 😀

3-O-Clock copy

Language is not the deciding factor, writing is.

Languages evolved during the time but human bodies evolved earlier than the languages. It was human who created a language to communicate and I believe this was the greatest creation ever.

Peoples’ languages are means to communicate their feelings to the ones who understand them. As languages were created to communicate, we are supposed to communicate, we are doing the same… Perfect! But why is this happening these days that a language is attached to the social status than a medium of communication?

Although every language is used differently and varies from context to context, For example, Language of literature is somewhat different than the language of general communication.

Well, I am a poetess so I would like to talk in terms of poetry. I’ve seen people making fun of poets, addressing them as mad, mocking them for being poets; bullying them, calling ‘Useless’, specially the ones who write in Hindi/Urdu or any regional language; English ones are the only God to them. Let me ask all such people who are so language racist (bhasha ki bhi jaatiyaan hain yahaan par bhai.. ‘Hindi’ wala ‘Low standard’, ‘Angrezi’ wala ‘High standard’) that what do they do when they feel extremely broken or bored or low or even happy etc? I feel the first thing which comes to their mind is ‘Music’, Isn’t it? I know some may feel like partying, but bro! You play Music there too. I know some of you choose English music over Hindi,
but let me again explain that music doesn’t have a language, it is the lyrical part which is linguistic and definitive.
And I bet there is no party which is hosted by an Indian can be celebrated without a Hindi song, may that be the only Hindi song played there.
So, my ultimate motive is to communicate that the songs which give you immense mental peace are the pieces themselves which have been written by a number of poets and then the music was composed.
So, my dear fellow Indian music lovers please respect the language which makes you feel good, may it be in any form.. Neither Hindi is a language of illiterate/low standard people nor the poets are.
And it must be a proof good enough for your knowledge that the importance of Hindi in this piece has been written in English by a Hindi Poet.
Thank you!

PS: I don’t intend to criticize any language because I don’t consider myself worthy of this.


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There is a difference between a jobber and a writer I.e. One needs an off from his work & another needs more to work on. #रshmi

Desires never die!

When we wish something at one moment, the other moment we start wishing for something more expensive or superior than one previously bought or spent on; this desire forms part of money, out of which it is derived. But the surprising bit is that we always forget thanking the supreme power for whatever we have, instead we start blaming and complaining for what we don’t even lack.

Our job is to make sure ‘How to live’ and not to determine ‘The mode of living’.

Problem arises when we try to reverse conditions and situations, the reason which pertains to problems in life.
I mostly try to reverse the terms & conditions, but I think life is much kind on me.

Looking at some people’s success who achieved without amenities or further facilities, sometimes their conditions were so adverse that even their bodies didn’t support them but they had beaten such shortcomings, overcame and succeeded; was what made me think about explanations that I used to give in my case.
At this point in life, it resembles an alibi to me even when it was genuine or I might have considered that as genuine.
Honestly, every failure teaches you something if you keep your mind open for the enlightenment.
My failures taught me earlier but I opened my mind a little later”.

I tended to be one of such type, primarily a self-centered person.
In fact, now I feel blessed that my body is in working condition and every part of it is positioned at the same place where it is supposed to be.
This form of the kindness which keeps me alive makes me realize the power of universe. It makes me thank the omnipotent for whatever I have and I can visualize achieving.
This is the same instant which makes me trust the life even stronger than every earlier second.
Surely, there is a power which is invisible but lives in the world with us, showers blessings and gives us more than we deserve, the power which regulates the entire you i.e. entire universe.
That power is the power of your own senses and all the more, that of your actions to your senses.

I’m constantly trying to become a person who can serve gratitude in whatever form. An effort in trying to be better everyday is what keeps me alive.

This effort is a desire to be better, a desire to serve gratitude and a desire to free every bit of this mind by the end of the last day.
A desire to burn all the failures and a desire to turn them into a huge success of this life.
A burning desire to die with every moment that I lived and enjoyed.

“Desires may never die but there comes a level where your soul feels fulfilled, For me that level lies in compassion”.


PS: I know how useless it is to put these feelings in words but I wanted to put them. I don’t know why but definitely it gives me mental peace when I free my thoughts on words.
Thank you for giving your time in reading this post. 🙂


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Two Faces..

In this world saying goes ‘Good people bring out the good in you’ and when they bring it out you are the very new and a changed person from what you used to be.

But what if people bring out the bad in you? Then also you become very changed from what you have been. Is it so, that ‘Bad people bring out the bad in you’ or you have dropped yourself down to that level to be bad and mad?

Sometimes I come across such situations where it becomes difficult for me to understand whether to follow my heart and instincts or to flow with the waves of unacceptable or I should be using the word ‘Wrong (for myself)’? I sense, I am a kind of person who can’t “Swallow the bee, happily”. Situations arise when you feel like battling inside with yourself and with the outer forces and you feel like riding on two boats at a time.

My experience says if you are good enough to take whatever comes your way, you are going to be screwed one day and if you are bad to the extent where you don’t let anyone stand on you the world is, other way, going to screw you. If you feel like accepting this as it is, your heart doesn’t allow you to compromise with its dignity and if you don’t accept this the way it is, it won’t let you live peacefully. What should a person do to overcome? Sometimes when I see there exists nothing in this world called ‘Good or bad and straight forward or corrupt’, everyone is living double faced life then I realize that I am living my life the wrong way by trying to stay stuck at following what my heart says (And you know what? Your heart always knows/says right despite being placed on the left) but I don’t know, is it really a right way to live by being deceptive to yourself? And unfortunately this is the definition of adjustment now-a-days.

Seldom happens, life takes you to an another level of living where you don’t need any art or style of living but an art/style of faking. I feel I’ve got a great misfortune of lacking this art because it’s difficult for me to deal with such people. I become aggressive, instantly. I am clueless, am I really unlucky? Or I am the one of those twenty out of two-thousand handpicked people who doesn’t want to be a part of this face of the world.